Caught an episode of Spike TV’s “1,000 Ways to Die” the other night. It’s an interesting show that illustrates some of the weird way people have died. All portrayals are true stories, but the company changes the names to protect the deceased. How respectful.

Anyway, here’s some of its most interesting ways to die.

Death by Sex

Married Asian couple never does the deed. Never have. Ever. They both hyperventilate and get really short of breath when things get hot and heavy that they never go through with it. Dude gets fed up after seven years, brings home a bottle of wine and finally looks like he is going to score. They start doing it. Yes it’s working. The orgasms are too much for their systems to handle. They both die at the same time from heart attacks. What a way to go.

Death by Pepper Spray Up Your Ass

Cop approaches a dude. Being recently released from prison, the dude doesn’t want the Po-po finding his can of pepper spray, so it shoves it up his ass. Bad idea. Cop tosses the dude against his truck. The impact triggers the pepper spray, which shoots up his ass and torches his colon. That sucks.

Death by Wanting to Join Imaginary Furry Orgy

Dude eats a huge bag of mushrooms. Dude starts tripping and hallucinating so hard. He’s like that whacked-out dude at Phish in the 90s times 100! He starts wondering around in the desert. He thinks he sees a group of furries, half-woman, half-animal things that Wikipedia seems to know a lot about. He whips it out and starts humping around. Thinks that huge brown bear over there is a hot furry. Bear mauls him to shreds. Ouch.

Death by Sex-Ray

Some guy is getting x-rays taken of his head. Lays down and gets into the x-ray machine. Doctor and nurse start getting it on in the little control room off to the side. He’s boning her hard. They’re slamming into all sorts of stuff. They keep hitting the x-ray button, taking mad x-rays. The guy dies from radiation exposure from so many x-rays. Not decent.

Death by Drinking Gas

Drunk criminal decides to hide out in the woods. He’s chugging booze, enjoying the fruits of a recent bank robbery. He kills his bottle of whiskey but doesn’t want to go to a store and get more. He figures his face will be on the News and whatnot. He’s wicked smart. He decided to syphon gas out of his motorcycle, because he heard gas has ethanol in it, and ethanol can get you drunk. He’s the man, gonna keep his buzz going. He takes a big swig of gas. He gets really sick in seconds, his mouth burning. His stomach on fire. He pukes up gas into the camp fire. Bad idea. Stream of puke catches fire, burning him to death from the inside. Mega ouch.

To watch some videos, or for more information about the show, click here.