My grandfather recently asked me about how much tail I’ve been pulling. “A fair amount gramps,” I told him. “More tail than your shriveled dink ever pulled!”
He immediately shot back, “Youngblood, I have boned in more places than your pointy little pecker ever has even thought of. Hell, with all the goddamn development and urbanization of our country, you’d have to be boning in front of fifty people every time you boned to even approach the number of places I pinned the tail with my donkey!”
It got me thinking. While gramps was running around slaying babies on trash cans, at intersections, and at gas stations, my shteeze is pretty much relegated to the bedroom. In this aspect of decency, he’s got me. But he won’t have me for long, because I plan on boning:
- On the counter at McDonald’s. Everyone is ordering McChicken sandwiches, while I’ll be fileting my girl’s fish. I’m going at lunch time and dipping my balls in the the barbeque sauce that comes with the McNuggets. The next day, I’m going to bone…
- On the hood of a police cruiser. Order in the court! Order in the court! My defense for boning on the hood of the police cruiser is that my gramps was calling me out! He’s boned in more places than I! Your honor, what’s the deal with that? CASE DISMISSED! Praise the lord! This means I can bone…
- At the opera. Lord knows that the girls who I drill turn into Luciano Pavarotti when we’re in the act! It’d be interesting to see if we’d get noticed amid the performers’ screams! My hope is that my part-time-punk grandfather would be there! I’d tell him that once I was done at the opera, I was moving on to bone…
- At the homeless shelter. I’m a sympathizer of the underpriveleged, and let me tell you that bastards at the shelter would be some kind of priveleged to witness what goes down on their turf! Hell, I’d order the whole shelter pizzas when I was done.
This stretch of boning should earn me a little respect from gramps, and perhaps begin a movement — a movement to raise public awareness of affection, warmth, passion, love, and, most importantly, decency — which I think we’re often too timid to display in public.
LOL