It may sound odd, but I’ve found that best lubricant for recreational sex games is the grease that drips off foods such as french fries, cheeseburgers, onion rings, and pizzas. I know what you’re thinking — dude, you’re a gross bastard/freak/maniac etc. Just hear me out and give it a try sometime. That’s all I ask.
How to do it: Carry around funnels and buckets everywhere you go, and order greasy foods as often as possible. The fast food circuit is a great place to pick up grease. Ordering a pizza and draining all the grease into the funnel is my favorite method to collect lube. Bacon grease is nice as well.
How to store it: I’ve generally found that gigantic vats are usually the best way to store the said grease. You can find gigantic vats at industrial wholesale outlets.
How to use it: I like to keep at least one vat of grease always on hand — usually in a closet by the bed. It’s wise to have a bucket nearby to scoop the grease out of the vat and apply it to your sex freak partner. When your gigantic vat is running low, you can usually lift the whole barrell above your head and dump the grease on your partner. This results in increased levels of arousal for all involved parties.
How to clean up: There’s really no way to keep your sheets out of the way of the grease. The good news is that the fabric absorbs the grease! You can wring out every last drop from all your linens and squeeze it back into the vat for future use.
How to broach the subject of using the grease with your partner: This usually works for me: “Hey baby! What’s going on? How bout I dump a vat of grease on you and slather it all over your nude self and we get nasty?? Hubba hubba!”
dabbled with vat grease experiment last night. solid move. slippery as expected. clean up not so simple as in description. converting bed into fryalator.
I learned in college this works best in a bathtub. No cares at all what gets spread all over each other that way. I also learned that it’s best not to broach the subject at all. Babes love a good surprise every now and then. When you suggest there is something a little out of the ordinary you’d like to add to the mix, they are quite relieved to learn it’s just cooking oil. Don’t really have to tell that it’s used cooking oil. But, in college, babes learned not ask. After-college life I learned they don’t really care what you use so long as they are quite drunk first.
Definitely DO NOT try this in a shower tho. It hurts, a lot.
Thanks for the drop-by tube, enjoyed your comment. Not sure what it had to do with Obama’s grand-father or seeing dead peeps. But, in the context, I guess it doesn’t really matter.
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that sounds ok, but we would rather pick the corn from one anothers shit